Whoopsy, Rick Santorum!

This is such a fun tableau.

Poor Rick Santorum. Poor, poor, poor man-on-dog Rick Santorum. Even when he tries to fix his Google Problem, he seems to only make it worse.

Wondering what his Google Problem is? Google “Rick Santorum” and click on the first link that pops up. I can wait.

Or just check this out:

 

Back in 2003, Rick Santorum rose to his frothy notoriety by making the following comments regarding the homosexual lifestyle: 

We have laws in states, like the one at the Supreme Court right now, that has sodomy laws and they were there for a purpose. Because, again, I would argue, they undermine the basic tenets of our society and the family. And if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does.

Okay, that’s shitty, but like, what can you do? A lot of people feel the same way. But he continued…

Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of marriage as a bond between a man and a woman. Why? Because society is based on one thing: that society is based on the future of the society. And that’s what? Children. Monogamous relationships. In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.

It was that last line that made the ears of every hard-working defender of equal rights’ perk up like a confused dog.

"aroo?"

Although, to be fair, the line, “Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of marriage as a bond between a man and a woman,” is just as confusing. Especially considering that, historically, the institution of marriage has been overwhelmingly NOT that. It’s been the bond between one man and many women. Often many underage women.

But I digress.

Anyway, it was his comments comparing homosexual love with man-on-dog love that raised the ire of so many. Hugely popular sex columnist (and friend of Alcoholics Conspicuous!), Dan Savage, began a campaign to turn Rick Santorum’s name into a sexual neologism. And thus, spreadingsantorum.com/Santorum’s Google Problem was born.

The Spreading Santorum campaign was so successful, in fact, that whenever anybody Googles his name, results for the sexual neologism are the first to pop up. His presidential campaign website is the fourth to pop up. Womp womp.

Well, Alexander Burns over at Politico.com tells us that Rick Santorum has finally had enough of this nonsense, and he contacted Google. Santorum (the politician, not the frothy byproduct) has said that Google could help him get rid of his Google Problem, they just don’t want to.

He went on to say:

I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they’d get rid of it….If you’re a responsible business, you don’t let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country….To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their website or through their system is something that they say they can’t handle but I suspect that’s not true.

Rick, have you ever even seen the internet? It’s a series of tubes; half are filled with a filthy, frothy anal sex byproduct, and the other half are filled with adorable keyboard cats. Google is merely the directory for that series of tubes.

And something is up there about Joe Biden. It’s just all based on every ridiculous thing that Joe Biden does.

Google has responded to Santorum’s request to ameliorate his Google Problem by suggesting he go to the webmaster over at spreadingsantorum.com and take it up with him/her. This means that Santorum has to approach Dan Savage if he wants his problem to go away.

Here’s the thing, R. Sant: My name is Eireann. It’s not a super common name. It is also the Gaelic (Irish language) word for Ireland. In Ireland, unsurprisingly, it’s a pretty common word.

So let’s say my grandmother wanted to find my work online (I hope not, because I use the F-word a lot. Hi, Gram!). She goes to Google and types in Eireann.

Uh oh! The first result is for Dail Eireann, the lower house of Irish parliament. Does that mean I’m the lower house of Irish parliament? Do I have the right to get upset that my name has a much more popular alternate meaning that pops up first in a Google search? Can I ask Google to remove that search result because I am NOT a house of parliament! No. No to all of the above.

You see, Rick Santorum? Your name also has a much more popular alternate meaning. It’s taken on a life of its own. In fact, visitors to Dan Savage’s site outnumber visitors to your own site 13,000 to 5,000. That means it is probably here to stay.

However, in talking about it and bringing more attention to your Google Problem, you are only making your Google Problem worse. Just ignore it and maybe it will go away. But it almost certainly won’t.

Google, help!!! I am NOT a bus!!!

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About Eireann Michael Dolan

Lady-writer, lady-dog owner, lady-alcoholic, lady-sister, lady-daughter.
This entry was posted in This Bitch... and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Whoopsy, Rick Santorum!

  1. Pingback: Rick Santorum's Iowa Performance Helps His 'Google Problem' - Forbes

  2. Pingback: Rick Santorum’s Iowa Performance Helps His ‘Google Problem’ - SATELITE PHOTOS – SATELITE PHOTOS

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